Day 5 . . . . .

Okay, it's only day 5 and I promised myself I'm not going to get on the pity pot, but things are pretty cruddy here. I called the doctor today to have him call in a refill for the pain medicine. I seem to have developed an upper respiratory infection and UTI (from the catheter put in during surgery), in addition to the severe aches and pains of having MAJOR surgery. I saw a posting on a message board I've been following described it pretty accurately . . . . . "you had it done laproscopically, it may look like 5 little wounds on the outside, but INSIDE you had your stomach cut in half and your intestinal tract completely rearranged. It will take time to heal. After all the anesthesia and hormonal surges post surgery, the blues are totally normal." After reading the many posts, I finally realized that the terrible couple days I've had this week were pretty much the norm, except mine were exaggerated even more by the upper respiratory and urine infections even more so. I know this is nothing compared to the pain I've endured all these years being so dang fat and it's absolutely minute when you look at others and the pain they experience on a daily basis, but man oh man, I didn't imagine it to be like this. It's definitely one of those things which you must experience on your own to truly know what it is like. Kind of like childbirth and kidney stones, huh?

Tomorrow --- my "rebirth day"!!!

Some of you may or may not realize, but my childhood experiences were those of a very negative background, those which left their lasting impression on me. I have always believed we do the best with what we've been given. Well, I did what I could on my own, but now it's time for me to do better. After so many ups and downs, years of yo-yo dieting, and experiencing severe anxiety and depression, I had reached an unforgivable weight. As of January 1st this year my insurance began covering weight loss surgery, after completing a six month medically supervised diet. Well, WOO HOO! I DID IT! I lost more than the required amount of weight, despite having a broken arm, and being successful at meeting the very intense requirements of the SSM DePaul Weight Loss Institute. Believe me, none of this would have been possible without lots of prayers, the love and support of so many of you (you know who you are!)!!!

This diet and the weight I have lost has been such a challenging experience, the most difficult thing I have ever done --- second to nursing school. Thanks to Facebook, I know some of you which I have been blessed by getting back in touch with after 15 years, can definitely relate to the daily challenges of nursing school. I feel like tomorrow is my "rebirth" day. I feel like I have truly been given a second chance at life! Tomorrow I am having a gastric bypass at DePaul Hospital, which will include two nights in the hospital. WOW! It is so different being on this side, being the patient instead of reading patient medical records and bills!!!

I am looking forward to the new experiences this 'change' will bring. Some may ask, "Is Sean ready for it?". That's a different story! No, really, he has been very supportive. He has been such a great help with everything, I cannot begin to imagine where I would be today without him. I love him so deeply with my heart and soul, he truly is my guardian angel. I can tell you we both are more than ready for the positive changes in our lives this will bring. For example, my nightly prayers used to consist of begging, pleading, and bargaining with God to not let me wake up the next morning. Now my prayers are that of a much more positive tone, as I express my gratefulness for waking each and every day. It has taken me 43 years to realize that "HE" has a plan for me, a good one too. I may not know what "HE" has in mind for me, but I will eventually see it and experience it . . . . . in HIS time, not mine. Garth Brooks says it very well, "Thank God for unanswered prayers."

So, stay tuned. I hope you will follow along with me on this next part of my journey. I promise it will be fun and exciting! I also will post pics showing my progress, some which I am not proud of, but it will be a constant reminder of how important good health truly is. Again, thank you each and every one of your for your love, prayers and support. I love you more than you will ever know.